


In Memoriam: The Dead Know Nothing, Envy Them

by lostandlonelybirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK)



Series: In Memoriam [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Heroes in Crisis (DCU Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: All Caste (DCU), Angst and Feels, Better than DC, Bruce Wayne is a Bad Parent, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Can’t believe I forgot to tag angst, Child Abuse, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Didn't fix much, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heroes in Crisis (DCU) Fix-It, Hurt Dick Grayson, Hurt Jason Todd, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Has Feelings, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has Mental Health Issues, Jason Todd Has a Heart, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd-centric, Jason tried okay?, Lazarus Pit, Mental Breakdown, Oh yeah I briefly touch on that, Panic Attacks, Post-Forever Evil (Comics), Post-Heroes in Crisis (DCU), Post-Red Hood and the Outlaws #25, Post-Spyral, Protective Jason Todd, Psychological Trauma, Scott Lobdell and Tom King can meet me in the pits too, Unbetaed we die like every character you’ve ever loved, With a dash of comfort, attempt?, because my boys deserve better, but at least there's emotions??? shown???, but it's really small, honestly I feel like ao3 should just tag it automatically, like here you go sad bitches get sadder, was that too real?, we touch on a lot, written by a sad fuck for other sad fucks lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22688668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RUNNFROMTHEAK/pseuds/lostandlonelybirds
Summary: Roy’s always been safe, smiling even as he’s going through withdrawals, cracking jokes even with a literal sword shoved in his fucking gut. He’s been Jason’s best friend for what feels like forever, his only friend for longer than that. He’s constant and he’s stable and he’s all Jason has left with his headquarters gone and his other friends missing (dead) and a ban from Gotham on the Bat’s orders…And then he’s not.
Relationships: Artemis of Bana-Mighdall & Bizarro (DCU) & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Roy Harper, Dick Grayson & Wally West, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Donna Troy, Jason Todd & Tim Drake, Roy Harper & Koriand'r & Jason Todd
Series: In Memoriam [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632112
Comments: 21
Kudos: 338





	In Memoriam: The Dead Know Nothing, Envy Them

**Author's Note:**

> Hey... so here's the sequel to In Memoriam: Pray Not for the Dead, But for the Living??? That was fast and I oop. it wouldn't leave and I couldn't study for my test tomorrow until I wrote it out so here's my attempt at Jason and his relationships and a brief take on RHATO #25. Enjoy????

Jason Todd is a man of war.

Not _literal_ war in the sense most imagine, his war is personal, _not_ government sanctioned. He wages war on the darkness in alleyways, on the sick fucks who get off to the misery and appeal of kids, on the rapists, and the traffickers, and the drug dealers without limits or boundaries. His war is more _personal_ than a traditional war, because Red Hood _ain’t no goddamn soldier_ , no matter what Bruce’s fucking pedestal says ( _“A Good Soldier” but never a Good **Son**_ ), no matter what the Justice League or Shadows fucking think.

“ _The Detective’s little soldier, all alone and lost.”_ Ra’s had smirked at him, the expression cold and flat on his immortal face. “ _Do you think he misses you? Or has he just found more toys to replace the broken one?_ ”

~~( _of course the insane motherfucking eco-terrorist had been right on the goddamn ball, of course Bruce hadn’t avenged him or even preserved his memory beyond egotistical self-flagellation and making Jason out to be some fucking martyr and warning lesson for all the **disobedient** sidekicks, all those who toed the line more than was morally righteous_)~~

Him and Dick had never been close.

Dick had lived up to his name ( _ ~~not that Jason can actually hold that against him, all things considered, at least Dick hadn’t impaled him on a batarang just because he’d been pissed off~~_ ~~)~~ and Jason had been a prickly kid from Gotham’s gutters with trust issues trapped inside abandonment issues trapped inside anger issues. Dick had tried, and sometimes on his calmer days Jason will think of Dick’s steady gaze and ever-reaching hand, of his whispered “ _Little Wing”_ and eyes sparkling with emotion, and he’ll _appreciate_ that Dick tried, that he kept trying ( _ ~~which is more than can be said for pretty much everyone else in Jason’s life~~_ ).

But then he’ll have on of his _darker_ days, one filled with _anger_ and _green-fueled rage_ where he’ll lock himself in a safehouse only Roy and Artemis know the codes to and he’ll _destroy_ everything in sight ( _because he made himself strong on the streets, Bruce made him into a tool with Robin, Talia made him into a weapon with her training and money, and the Pit made him unstoppable, uncontrollable_ , _and he’d learned early on that he had to let it out before it had the chance to get worse, to get **nuclear**_ ). And while he destroys everything, he’ll think of the Golden Boy and his impossible standards, he’ll think of his unavenged death and the batarang to the jugular that left scars, he’ll think of all the disappointments and letdowns and mistakes and he’ll think of how his fucking _role-model_ , _Gotham’s_ role model let him down. He’ll think of his own pedestal, the pedestal of perfection that he became in _death_ because in _death_ he was a hero who tried, and in _life_ he was a child trying to fill shoes he’d never be able to, a child left in an older sibling’s hand-me-downs knowing they’d never _feel_ like his no matter how hard he tried with all this _anger_ he hadn’t known what to do with and operating off a different moral philosophy…

Him and Dick have never been close, but he can’t fucking believe no one told him Wally West and R- _Arsenal_ had died. _He_ knows, and everyone except for Roy hated him ( _or they at least seemed perturbed by him, by the dead ~~wrong~~ ~~bad~~ ~~failure~~ Robin with questionable morals and a ruthless reputation thanks to the bag of beheaded mob leaders_). Dick didn’t know, and as _angry_ as Jason is, as _pissed off_ and _absolutely furious_ as he is, Wally and Roy were Dick’s closest friends, at some point. Dick was Lian’s godfather, Dick had helped Roy through rehab and (allegedly) been Wally’s best man at a wedding that happened in some other fuckin’ timeline, and it was just _wrong_ that he didn’t know, that no one had told him. And Jason _misses_ him too, even as he curses him for lying and hiding and being like Bruce ( ~~and like him~~ ) in all the ways he _wasn’t supposed to be_ , in all the ways he’d been better.

“ _You don’t do that to another Robin!”_

And Dick had taken it.

The anger, the pain, the punch he _knows_ Dick saw coming as soon as Jason had processed the words ‘ _I’m alive’_ coming from his predecessor’s mouth… _all_ of it. And then he’d left for Blüdhaven, left them again in Gotham to go play hero in a city that had burnt down under nuclear fire, and Jason felt guilty. Slightly. Moderately. Not enough to outweigh his anger, or his still-present grief ( _because he’d buried Dick, he’d cried and he’d screamed and he’d hit things, lots of things, because Dick had been gone, and he had to be so much more than he’d had to before_ ) but it’s there.

~~( _but what he won’t admit, will **never** admit, is he’s afraid to forgive Dick, afraid to get close and have to bury him again, afraid to let go of his anger only for Dick to wind up dead again leaving Jason alone again_).~~

He’s still raw from the trauma of his own death, and Dick’s death…it hit too close to home. Another dead Robin, another failure of Batman’s, another monument with a costume no one touched.

 _~~And Kory tries, and so does Roy, but the team is falling apart at the fucking seams, and he can feel Kory’s desire to go to Blackfire, even though she’s an evil bitch, can feel Roy’s own issues starting to pile up and then he’s alone again, because he’s always alone in the end, isn’t he?~~ _ ~~~~

Dick comes back in the wreckage of his team and Roy goes with him to reassemble the Titans along with Wally and Donna and other people who he doesn’t really care for ( _ ~~and the feeling is more than mutual, even if Donna likes him~~_ ~~)~~ but he meets Artemis and Biz, and he isn’t so alone anymore, he has a team again, even if Batman is being more of a prick than normal, even if…

_‘Stop.’_

His anger had protected him for so long, from feeling lost when everything kept being ripped from him, when the All-Caste were nothing more than corpses and Dick was nothing more than a ghost and Bruce died and a bunch of other things he really doesn’t like thinking about.

Like his headquarters falling and burning, setting blocks upon blocks of Gotham on fire, killing indiscriminately in the way Joker did (uncaring of damage or innocence or anything).

Like Artemis and Biz disappearing ( _ ~~dying~~_ ) along with it.

Like Bruce’s fists, like his screams and his snarled, “ _I **never** should have believed in you!”_ that hurt more than the scar on his jugular, more than the crowbar falling on his ribs “ _Which hurts more? A or B? Forehand or Backhand?”_

He had been frozen, helmet falling apart in big red fragments, Bruce’s fists bruising him, dragging him, his blood trailing across the rooftop across from where they’d gotten burgers not a week ago _“I told you it would never be my choice that you left…”_

And not even Roy can heal that pain, not even Lian. His father, his _goddamn father_ had hit him harder than he’d hit Jason’s _fucking murderer_.

And even though Dick had given Bruce hell for it, had beaten him bloody across Gotham and pulled a crowbar on him, Jason was still mad because when he cared, he cared with everything he had, and when he cared, the people _left_ or _died_ and he ~~didn’t want to bury Dick a second time.~~

But Roy…

Roy’s always been safe, smiling even as he’s going through withdrawals, cracking jokes even with a literal sword shoved in his fucking gut. He’s been Jason’s best friend for what feels like forever, his only friend for longer than that. He’s constant and he’s stable and he’s all Jason has left with his headquarters gone and his other friends missing ~~dead~~ and a ban from Gotham on Bat’s orders…

And then he’s not.

And then he gets a call from _Oliver Queen_ of all people to inform him that Roy was _dead_ and the person who killed him, killed Jason’s _only_ _friend_ , had also been killed because it was all an _accident_ and he can’t even get the minor satisfaction of hating Wally, or even killing Wally, because Wally is _dead_ and Roy wouldn’t want him to hate Wally _~~but god does he still hate him sometimes~~_

Jason goes to the funeral, and Jason doesn’t cry. Jason waits for Dick’s comfort, for Dick’s hugs or his tear-filled speech or _someone_ who understands how he’s feeling, but Dick _doesn’t show up_ and according to Donna, no one had _told him_.

So he calls Dick through the comms when he knows he patrols and tells him, trying to push back his own grief _~~because Dick Grayson would latch onto that instead of his own pain, would deflect like nobody’s business because Dick was the most open and the most closed off at the same fucking time~~_ but he _can’t_ , not _entirely_ , and he breaks down when he hears Dick laugh, when he hears the elder have a full staged panic attack like he’s the fucking Joker on a murder spree before going dark.

And Jason’s _rushing_ , he’s breaking all kinds of speeding laws because Dick was _reckless_ when he grieved, unstable in a way he wasn’t normally, almost suicidal in his pain.

He rushes, and he finds Dick on the ground, still laughing, even as the tears run down his face and the rain pours on him.

Then he feels Jason, and he seems to realize where he is and who he’s with and Jason tries to be gentle, because Dick needs gentle, right now, needs that kindness that Jason can give, just is always afraid to give.

“Pretty Bird—"

“They’re dead,” Dick interrupts him, and his face is so _blank_ so _cold_ that it’s almost like he’s looking at Bruce’s face before it contorts in fury ( _ ~~before he beats Jason bloody the way he’d never beaten the Joker~~_ ). “Aren’t they?”

Jason looks away, knowing that Dick will take out of it what Jason still has trouble saying. The silence is only broken by this sound Jason can’t describe, something _ugly_ and _tragic_ and _grief-ridden_ and then Dick is shaking, uncontrollably, curling into a tiny ball and muttering ‘ _dead’_ under his breath faster than his heart’s beating.

“Shh, calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself _…”_

And Dick’s clawing at his hair, at his throat and his suit like he can’t _breathe_ , like he’s suffocating, drowning, and Jason’s sweet murmurings _aren’t helping_ and Dick’s hand goes to his mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that are pouring out of Dick like the rain’s pouring on them both…

“Pretty Bird, you gotta _breathe…”_

Dick doesn’t calm down until Jason pulls him into his arms, squeezing him tight enough that Dick can’t move, can’t rip or pull or stifle, and Dick breaks even further, like a pristine china plate dropped off a fifteen-story building over and _over_ and _over_ again. Jason’s crying too, hardy realizes it.

They have each other in a death grip, the night quiet except for Dick’s sobs and Jason’s blubbery murmuring, and the rainfall.

“They’re dead, _dead dead dead dead dead. My fault my fault…”_

Jason can’t calm Dick, can’t make that awful noise stop, can’t stop his own traitorous eyes from flooding.

“Not your fault, Dickie. It’s not your fault…”

Dick doesn’t seem to hear him, lost in thoughts and memories with the ever increasing chant of ‘ _my fault’_ that makes Jason feel more than a little guilty for leaving Dick alone, for letting him go off because he couldn’t let go of his anger and Tim followed his example.

“ _Donna…Dami…Jay…B…Wally…Roy…Me…_ ”

“Dick, those weren’t your fault. _My_ death wasn’t your fault…”

Dick ignores him, and Jason watches helplessly as the man he’d always looked up to falls apart in his arms, and he can’t do a _damn_ thing to help.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
